Still Friends: The One Where They All Get Together
by CatGal15
Summary: The six friends all get together and reminisce as Ben and Emma prepare for college. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

"Whoa, where's the fire?" Joey asked, after Chandler had burst through the doors of Central Perk.

"You'll never guess. I was drinking coffee, at my office, and I win two tickets to some concert. But I don't want them, and as I'm throwing them out I see this woman throwing away her tickets to Paris. Four of them. So get this, we traded!"

"So?"

"Joey, all four of us get to go on a first-class, all-expenses-paid trip to France!"

"Why would I wanna do that? I don't wanna go to France! I wanna go to that...that place, you know, with that cool...tower thing."

Chandler wanted to throttle him. "That's Paris; that's IN France."

"Oh...Really?"

Chandler nodded. "And you know what else is in Paris?" he asked, as Joey raised his coffee.

"No, what?"

"ROSS AND RACHEL, YOU IDIOT!" Chandler yelled, and Joey spilled his coffee. He glared at Chandler as he grabbed the napkin holder. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Ooh, Paris is so sparkly!" Phoebe exclaimed, as she, Monica, Chandler and Joey got off the plane.

"Yeah, that's why I come," Chandler said, with mock fondness. "The sparkles."

Monica patted his arm. "I'll loan you my jewelry box sometime. You can go nuts!"

"There they are!" Phoebe trilled, pointing excitedly. The four friends followed her finger to see Ross and Rachel's familiar forms hovering near the big airport window. Phoebe dropped her suitcase and disappeared quickly within the crowd, and Joey grabbed her suitcase and followed Monica and Chandler. They met their friends just at the entrance, and took turns hugging one another.

"I can't believe you're here!" Rachel cried, as she released Phoebe. "Wow. Pheebs, you're old!"

"You're not, bitch."

The two friends just looked at one another, then hugged again.

"Monica, hi," Rachel wept happily, and hugged Monica at the same time. "Me and my sisters."

"What?" Joey exclaimed. "How come nobody told me you were all related?"

The girls just stared at him.

Chandler turned his head and couldn't help but make a face, however he managed not to jump back at the sight of a strange girl lurking near him, giving him the evil eye. She had dyed her long hair a rich, mahogany red, and wore black lipstick and a lip ring. She was wearing tattered gray jeans and a black Metallica hoodie.

What Rachel said had a shiver crawling up his spine. "Emma, do you remember the best friends your dad and I ever had?"

"Not at all," came the non-committal answer. She turned dismissively to Ross. "Ben's stuck in the washroom with an erection," she said bluntly. "He needs your words of wisdom, or whatever."

"Okay. Uh, where's the washroom?"

"Try following the toilet signs and opening the door with the same symbol on it," came the impassive answer. "Can't be that hard; he figured it out."

Monica's brows rose as she heard the way she was sassing her dad. But Ross went without laying down the law, and Monica began to zero in on Emma's problem.

"Well, that was awkward," Chandler said. "I could go for a coffee."

Rachel grinned at him as he walked by.

"So. Emma," Monica said, and the sour-faced youth cringed at her voice. "You sure have...changed."

Emma just looked at her.

"You learn how to use the toilet okay? I can't. I can't speak to her." Monica turned and walked toward Joey, who was peering around the airport. She sighed and put a hand around one of his broad shoulders. "Come on, Sid; I'll show you where the cookies are."

"Sid? You know I'm Joey, right?"

They left.

Rachel looked at Emma at the same time Emma looked at her. Their gazes locked, and Phoebe could literally see the hatred in Emma's eyes and the disappointment in Rachel's. Phoebe delicately cleared her throat. "Um, Emma, do you want to hear about how I got off the streets?"

"No," she bit.

"You sure? It's true."

Emma turned and walked quietly away, taking her cloud of gloom with her.

In her daughter's absence Rachel let out a quick groan of frustration. "I don't know why she turned out this way!" she wailed. "I have a great job, so she gets nice things; she has her favorite breed of dog; and she never goes hungry or cold...What am I not doing?"

Phoebe reflected upon her own painful childhood. "Do you spend time with her?"

"Sure! We drive her to school all the time."

"Well, maybe you should stop buying her nice things and let her get her own job. And I'd stop driving her to school, too...She's in college, not kindergarten. Does she even have a cell phone?"

Alarm filled Rachel's eyes. "No. Is that important?"

"Are you kidding? Cell phones are the first step into independence!"

"Really!"

"Yuh-huh; did you learn nothing from the day you cut your apron strings?"

"Actually, I...I cut a credit card; my dad cut the apron strings."

"And how did you feel when you got your first job?"

"Miserable. Terrified."

"Uh-huh, and after that?" Phoebe pressed.

Rachel considered. "Good. Really good."

Phoebe watched her friend awhile before Joey suddenly materialized. "Pheebs, check it out! I got three for the price of two!"

Rachel ignored him, wishing she could throw a tantrum without it being weird.

"Nice! Rach, does Emma like cookies?" Phoebe asked. "They might help. You know, whenever I was depressed, eating always lifted my spirits."

"You were homeless, you were practically eating from the Dumpster," Monica said in disgust. "For you, finding something to eat was Christmas."

"Nooo, at Christmastime I went into the donation bins and stole all the clean clothing I could find," Phoebe corrected her.

"What? How could you do such a thing?" Rachel asked.

"Well, it was my Christmas, too! And I was just as needy as others, if not more needy."

The friends considered and decided to let it slide.

"I'm sorry, Pheebs. Your parents should have been there for you," Rachel told her.

"Well, they are now; it all worked out. And I'm glad it all happened the way it did, because if my life had been different, I would be different, and you guys might not like me."

"Well sure we would've! We liked Rachel - " Too late Joey realized his mistake, and the friends all looked at him.

She put her hands on her hips. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I think it means you were a spoiled, snobby princess who left her groom at the altar," Chandler said casually, as he returned with his coffee. Rachel glared at him and he stopped in his tracks, looking disgruntled. "Whoaa, this isn't decaf," he said lamely, and turned and walked away again.

"If it helps ease your minds," Phoebe broke the silence, "I've been donating clothes once a week since I got hired."

Joey paused and looked down, pulling his waistline away from himself. "I thought this underwear looked familiar!" 


	3. Chapter 3

Emma was laying on the roof of her parents' red Camaro, stargazing, when Ross and Rachel, all their old friends, and Ben traipsed out of the airport. Seeing in her peripheral vision the right number of figures moving away from the brightly lit building, she sat up and waited for the ability to distinguish facial features. When she recognized her parents she jumped off, wishing she had an MP3 or even a Walkman with which to drown out their annoying voices.

"So what's the plan?" Joey was asking.

"We'll make room!" Rachel said dismissively.

Chandler's brows went up. "Uh, actually, this is an all-expenses-paid trip; I...I was kind of hoping to take full advantage of the benefits."

"What benefits?" Joey asked.

"Whatever we want! I was thinking of staying in a luxury hotel."

"I thought you came all this way to see us," Ross said.

"Oh, we did. We did, buddy, but...but how often am I going to get to live like a king?"

"Very often, if you marry a rich girl," Monica said, and pulled back Ross' sleeve to reveal a flashy gold Rolex. "What was this, ten grand?"

"Actually, it was only seven," Rachel interrupted.

All astonished eyes went to Rachel.

"So, Chandler, still smoking?" Rachel asked quickly.

"Are you kidding me?" Phoebe asked. "People are stealing clothing and food, and you just spent seven grand on a stupid watch?"

"Wh-It was on sale! Stop looking at me like that," she added, when Phoebe just gazed at her.

Phoebe turned to Chandler, who awkwardly met her eyes. "Can I stay with you in the hotel?" she asked him.

"Pheebs, no," Rachel began.

"What? Maybe I just want your life for a night." Phoebe pulled her phone out of her pocket. "I'll call a cab," she murmured, and drifted away from the car.

Monica jumped in. "Uh, okay, everyone who's coming to Rachel's place, get in now and shut up."

Emma stood by and watched as Joey, Monica, Ben, and her parents boarded the Camaro. "It's like a clown car," she muttered, before she got in next to her stepbrother.

Rachel, sitting in Ross' lap, asked, "Mon, are you really not going with Chandler?"

"I've been with him every day since we got married, we're good."

-0-0-0-0-

Phoebe's face was lit up as she walked in front of Chandler down a narrow, elegant hall. "Wow! This is amazing! Even I'll live like a king tonight."

Chandler walked behind her, lost in thought. Why had Monica left him? Had he done something?

Phoebe unlocked and opened the door to their suite and they walked into the room - and stopped at the sight of the single bed.

Chandler caught her gaze and nervously twiddled his thumbs. "I can sleep on the floor," he finally offered.

"Don't be silly; it's your freebie trip, too. We're friends. Good friends."

Chandler nodded, wishing she was as uncomfortable with the idea as was he.

"Anyway, Vegas is on the house and it's pretty much right outside, so we don't have to go to bed yet." She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Ah, that's true! We can gamble for the price of not gambling."

"We can room service the crap out of this place, and it won't cost us a cent."

"Very true, very true." Chandler wandered to the shelves and began perusing. "Liar Liar, Pulp Fiction, Titanic - I feel like I'm in the '90s again."

"Liar Liar's pretty good."

"So, you want to do that then? Stay in and watch a movie?"

"Sure. Tomorrow's a whole new day."

Chandler turned and hovered at the DVD player. "Well, this isn't from the '90s. What is this thing? What happened to good old videocassette players?"

Phoebe brushed him aside and worked like a pro. In less than a minute the credits were running. Chandler looked at her in surprise.

"What?" she asked innocently. "It's called evolution. What are you, a pioneer?"

"Yes!" he vehemently insisted. "And up until a moment ago, so were you!"

Phoebe smiled. "There's a lot you don't know about me."

"Huh." Chandler sat next to her. "You sure we're good friends?"

Phoebe paused the movie. "Hang on, I want a snack with this." She got up and moved to the phone. "Want anything?"

"Yes, uh, I'll have a salad, a sandwich...and a videocassette player."

Phoebe shrugged and picked up the phone. "I'll ask, but I don't know if they'll bring it." 


	4. Chapter 4

"ROOM SERVICE!" had Phoebe walking away from the scene where Max was blowing out his candles. She opened the door to find a grumpy woman standing with one hand on a cart, on which were placed a salad, a sandwich, and a big bag of chips. "Here's all your stuff," she said bluntly.

"Thanks!" Phoebe exclaimed, surveying the load.

"So were ya really tryin' to order a VCR?"

"Yeah, for my friend."

"Well, they're not on the menu."

Phoebe wouldn't let her sour disposition spoil her first-in-forever all-expenses-paid Vegas vacation. "Oookay, sounds like someone needs an attitude adjustment!" She grabbed the handle of the cart and pulled it into the room, ignoring the look of shock on the worker's face. Smiling pleasantly at Chandler, she sat beside him.

And then the door blew open. "I need that back, lady; it's property of..." She stopped short when she and Chandler locked eyes, and he stood slowly, looking at her the way Phoebe had seen him look at Monica. "Alison?"

"Chandler?"

"Christ," Phoebe muttered, and paused the movie.

"What a nice surprise. What brings you to my neck of the woods?"

"Uh, time off work." Chandler didn't think it was appropriate to mention he was visiting friends he hadn't seen in a few years, to the woman he hadn't seen in more. "What about you?"

"I live here."

They just stood and looked at one another, as if they had up until that moment been the only humans on Earth. "Wow," Alison finally said, "It's been really great seeing you; I - " she paused as the sound of tearing plastic became too loud. She and Chandler both looked down at Phoebe, who was tearing into her chip bag with her teeth. Alison raised her voice, "Nice to see you! Maybe we could go out for lunch sometime and catch up!"

"Sure," Chandler called back, and she left with a wave.

He closed the door and shook his head, giving Phoebe a weird look as he sat beside her.

She took a piece of plastic from between her teeth. "What?"

He raised his brows. "Nothin'."

"Chandler, who was that woman?"

"Uh, Alison," he said succinctly.

"Yeah, no, I got that."

"Alison Garner. We went out a few times. No big deal."

"Wait, wait." She faced him more directly. "Is this the Alison you dated?"

He quelled the same urge he had fought with Joey. "Yes."

"And you're going OUT with her?" Phoebe practically shrieked.

"For lunch! It's only for lunch, okay? All of Paris doesn't have to know! It's no big deal, alright?" He turned back to the TV and picked up the remote control.

"I saw the way you looked at her," Phoebe grumbled, making him roll his eyes.

"Look, we'll just hang out and...gab, a bit."

"What will you gab about?" Phoebe demanded. "Married life? Monica? The kids you had with her?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Cha-andler!"

"Definitely, okay? Definitely." He hugged her. "There is no reason for Monica to be jealous. Or for you to be afraid! She and I are soulmates."

"Well, you better be. I'd never be able to pick a side."

"There's only one side," he assured her. "I'm just going to have lunch with her once."

She looked at him. "Pinky swear?"

He tried not to snort. Instead he nodded. "Pinky swear," he made himself say, and hooked his pinky with hers.

-0-0-0-0-

"What should we do?" Monica asked. She stood before her friends, all of whom lazed on the furniture.

"Sleep off this jet lag," Joey offered through a yawn.

"No! Come on, we're in Paris! Let's go sight-seeing."

"Seen it," Ross offered impassively.

Monica felt her temper rising. "So the four of us came all this way to see you, and we're just going to sit here and do nothing?"

Rachel looked tiredly up at her. "Mon, does it really matter what we do, as long as we're together?"

"But we're NOT ALL TOGETHER!" Monica shouted, effectively chasing away Joey's fatigue. "We should be, but you pissed Phoebe off with your dumb watch!" She turned and headed in a huff to the door.

"So what's Chandler's excuse for leavin'?" Joey asked.

Monica turned, temper flaring. "Chandler had the right idea!" she shouted, and with the slam of the door she was gone.

Joey sat properly, putting his feet on the floor. "Well, now I'm awake."

Ross, Rachel and Joey sat in silence, looking plaintively at one another, unsure of what to do.

"I think Phoebe had the right idea," Joey confided in Rachel.

"Ah, sure. Gang up on the spoiled, snobby princess. You know what, Joe, why don't you just go with Monica."

"I'm not sayin' you're a bad person, but...aren't there better things to invest in?"

"Joey. Joey, honey, it was just seven grand. Okay? I make that much in a month. If Phoebe should be mad at anyone, she should be mad at my boss."

"Well, how much would you make if you got fired?" Joey asked. "You'd be wishing you had the money you bought the watch with. For food, clothes, everything Phoebe had to steal."

Rachel didn't look happy that he was right. "Well, what do you suggest?"

Joey shrugged. "Return it. Give the money to charity. I don't know, you'll think of somethin'." 


	5. Chapter 5

"Ah, crap."

Chandler looked up from his magazine. "What's up, Pheebs?"

Phoebe lifted her hands from her purse. "I brought my charger, but I forgot my cell."

Chandler smiled and opened a drawer so close to him he didn't even have to stand. "Here. Use mine."

"Oh. 'Kay, thanks." Phoebe took the phone and dialed her husband's number.

The familiar and unusually caustic voice came on, "Chandler, I told you never to call me again. I thought you were smart enough to know what that meant."

"Mike, it's Phoebe."

In the delay that followed, Chandler forced an awkward smile. "Oh, you called Mike."

Phoebe stared at Chandler as she listened to Mike's breathing. "What's going on with you?" she asked.

"Doesn't matter," Mike said curtly.

"Of course it matters! You're my husband, he's my eldest friend...I thought you were cool with one another."

Mike hesitated. "Sorry," he finally said, and then there was only the buzz of the dial tone.

"Mike?" Phoebe asked, and eventually disconnected. "He hung up on me!"

"How rude!" Chandler said insincerely.

Phoebe just stared at him.

"What? It's one of the nicer things he's done to you." Chandler looked up from his magazine, realizing too late his error.

"There's worse?" Phoebe demanded. "Like what?"

He looked at her, wishing he could take it all back. "Knocking up another woman."

"WHAT!" Phoebe yelled, making him visibly flinch. "When?"

"Uh, last...last month." Chandler squirmed.

Phoebe went very still, looking judgmentally at him. When she spoke, her only words were, "He knocked up another woman and he's telling you off? I'm confused."

Chandler grimaced, throwing his magazine onto the near table. "Well, I mighta...gotten a little lippy with him."

Phoebe sagged. "He kissed you too?" she asked desperately.

"Wha-No! No, God, no. That just means I might've..."

Phoebe looked expectantly at him. He wasn't leaving this room without explaining himself.

"You know, I might've said that if he hurt you, I'd have his head on my wall."

Despite all that she had heard, and was still trying to process, Phoebe failed to suppress a giggle. "You threatened him?"

"Yeah. What's so funny about that?"

"I just can't imagine you as a tough guy!" Phoebe stood, oblivious to Chandler's hurt. "Well, screw Mike. I'm gonna go find Joey and see how Mike likes to be cheated on."

"Uh, what?"

"I'm gonna go sleep with Joey. And then I'm going to dump Mike's ass. See ya!" Phoebe let herself out and pulled the door shut.

Chandler sat in confusion for a moment. "I'm tough," he told himself. "I stood up to bullies...I chased down a bus...For God's sake, I played football." He stood and walked into the bathroom, looking at his reflection. "Sure I'm tough."

But all he saw was a boring office guy. The office guy who once realized that he had allowed his twins to eat all the candy in the house because he had been too busy filing papers to know what he was giving them permission for.

With a sinking feeling, he realized that the last brave thing he had done was change two babies' diapers, about five times a day, every day. Meanwhile Monica was skirting around him wearing gloves, cleaning up every mess the moment it was made.

And now his kids were all grown up, and he was stuck behind the same desk, filing papers. And suddenly he knew exactly why the concept of him being threatening could make an aging woman giggle.

-0-0-0-0-

Phoebe rang the bell with a rather steady finger. Rachel answered, looking at Phoebe in obvious surprise. "Oh, hi. I didn't think I'd be seeing you tonight."

"I'm not here to see you. I'm here to see Joey."

Rachel's disappointment was obvious as she turned and quietly went inside. Seconds later Joey walked out of the room into which Rachel had gone. He approached Phoebe. "Hey, what's up?"

Phoebe gazed at him. "Will you go on a date with me?"

"What? What about Mike?"

Phoebe took a slow breath. "Mike cheated on me. Once we get back to New York I'm filing for divorce."

"Oh, Pheebs. God, I'm sorry."

"So, could we go out for awhile?"

"Absolutely. Let me just get my stuff."

As he walked back inside, Phoebe turned and wandered a few paces down the walk. Holding herself she stared at the elms across the street. Suddenly Joey was there, a warm gentle hand on her shoulder, and he guided her to the Gellar-Green Camaro. After Joey had shut the passenger door for her, she looked out the window and saw Rachel stepping inside and closing the door.

Did she really want to divorce Mike? Maybe she could stay married to him, and if she got to die before him she could leave him a nasty note. "For Mike, my husband. I knew all this time you knocked up a different woman. Remember me with regret. Not Truly Yours, Phoebe."

Joey got into the driver's seat, jarring her from her unpleasant thoughts. For the briefest moment, his hand covered hers before they rode into the night. 


	6. Chapter 6

Phoebe didn't come back until the next morning. Letting herself into the hotel room she turned red when she saw Chandler looking right at her.

"Spent the night, didja?"

"Uh...a little."

"So your date went okay, then?" Chandler asked.

"Oh, yeah," she assured him. "We went to the casino and I tripled my money, went to the Eiffel tower, shared a midnight boat ride and ate the most expensive food for free. And then we went up to the highest floor of this place and slept together." She smiled proudly as he squirmed.

"Okay, lovely," he said awkwardly.

"It was! I'm seeing him again tonight. What're you doing? Are you going back to Monica soon? I mean, it's weird, you two not being together."

"Nah, it's alright. She gets me; she knows I want to soak this in before I have to go back to my...boring office job." He grimaced.

"You know, Chandler, you don't have to go back."

"Course I do!"

"No, listen to me, alright? You can retire. I see those baggy eyes. And you can wear a hat all you want, but your gray eyebrows aren't fooling anyone, okay? You would have to, like...I don't know, dye your eyebrows. Ooh! Dye-brows!"

He tried to follow her train of thought.

"So, okay, you're not going to be with Monica."

"Nah, we've been together every night since we got married. I think we could maybe even benefit from this."

"So you're just going to spend the entire trip by yourself?"

"Not the entire trip. She's my soulmate, always will be. And anyway, tonight I'm seeing Alison again."

Phoebe looked at him askance. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah, it's crazy, I know, but I ended up having a great time!"

"No, you...you s-swore with your fingers!" she sputtered furiously.

"Phoebe, chill. Alright? There's a wedding ring on her finger, too."

She tilted her head. "Really?"

"Yeah! She has two girls and a boy, a husband, a dog, a nice house...the white picket fence kind I wanted Monica to have." His voice was losing its friendly warmth. "She gets to live in Paris, and I'm stuck back in NYC behind a desk with my boss's gum on it..." And then his voice was completely bitter, "I hate that woman."

"Why? Look how good you have it. You have a wife, and children, a roof over your head. Why should you envy somebody else?"

"I thought that if I worked hard and did my best, I could give Monica what she deserves."

"She has what she deserves! She has the man she loves, and she had the children she used to want so much. Do you know why I finally got that laser tattoo?"

"Honestly, I just thought you'd lost your marbles and considered your body to be a canvas."

"I got it to cover a scar."

Chandler blinked. "I didn't know you had a scar."

"A big one. I got it when I was stealing clothes from the donation bin. Somebody saw me and threw a beer bottle at me. Chandler, that is what the streets are like. You try to provide for yourself, you try to find anything you can use to make your life better, and you pay dearly. You have no idea how freaking lucky you are."

He absorbed the new information.

"Promise me again you love her."

He looked up at her. "What?"

"Promise me you won't have an affair."

Chandler tried to smile. "Pinky swear."

-0-0-0-0-

Ben was putting his laptop into a box when Ross knocked on the door. "Hey, uh, we're ordering a pizza."

Instead of answering, Ben kept packing, hardly sparing his father a glance.

"We're doing vegetarian 'cuz Phoebe's coming over."

Still no response.

"Uh, by any chance, have you seen your aunt Monica? I don't think I've seen her since last night."

"Maybe she got lost looking for the toilet," came Emma's disembodied voice. Ross finally found her sitting in the living chair in the corner, blending right in with the black leather. "Shares your genes, right?"

"Don't talk back to me. Young lady," Ross said, unconvincingly. Emma just rolled her eyes.

He turned back to his son. "So, you about all packed up?"

" 'Bout." Ben scrawled his name onto the box and picked it up. With quick, sure steps he was gone, leaving Ross alone with the dragon.

Turning to face Emma he saw the dragon leaning close to a mirror, examining her tongue piercing. "Whoa, hey. When did you get a tongue piercing?"

Emma's eyes briefly met his in the mirror. "About the time I got my tattoo."

"You have a tattoo?"

Emma leaned forward and slid her boots on over her feet, clad in tight black leggings.

"Where are you going? We're doing pizza."

"I'm having dinner with Jesse tonight. I told you that yesterday."

"Uh, no, no. Yesterday you told me you were going to a concert with Pete and Dylan."

Emma pulled a winter toque on. Surprisingly it went well with her outfit. "Yeah. Next week."

"How many boys do you know?" Ross demanded.

She shrugged. "People like me, Ross. I take after Mom."

"Don't call me Ross! We've been over that. You're not adopted."

"I prefer to keep an open mind." She grabbed her keys and was gone, leaving Ross to stand in his son's bedroom feeling more lost than ever. Sighing, he dug out his cell phone and dialed his sister's familiar number. "Monica," he finally said. "It's Ross. Um...Sorry to keep leaving messages, but I'm getting worried. Call me back."

He hung up and stared at the phone awhile before leaving the room, turning off the light. 


	7. Chapter 7

Monica didn't call Ross back until three hours later. "Why didn't you call me at four? Where are you?" Ross demanded.

"I'm at a club! You'll never guess who I ran into. Paula!"

Ross stared at the wall before him. "And Paula...is..."

"My old coworker, from the restaurant back home!"

"She's here? What's she doing here?"

"She won the lottery and she moved here. I'll be home around nine; we're going dancing!"

"Well, have - fun," Ross said, into the dial tone. He hung up and stared out of the huge window at the amazing view. Suddenly it seemed bigger than usual, and he realized he was missing New York. With its cozy coffee shop, and the fast access to all his loved ones.

Rachel walked into the living room, toweling her hair dry. "Still alone?"

"Yeah, Joey's passed out in our bed with a bag of Doritos."

Rachel nodded. "Phoebe's still mad at me. I think the only way she'll forgive me is if I return that watch."

Ross put a protective hand on his wrist. "But I like my watch."

"Well, I like my friend. Is a watch more important to you than Phoebe? Because if it is, we've got a serious problem."

Ross pouted, but slowly took off the watch. "Fine." He dropped it into her waiting hand.

"Thank you." She stood. "And we should probably return the gilded belt buckles."

"Oh, come on, she doesn't know about those!"

"Get them, Ross!" Rachel stated with finality.

He stood and dejectedly made his way down the hall. She yelled after him, "And I want to see all seven of them!"

He went into their bedroom, where the only sign of Joey was a limp hand hanging above the floor, on which was spilled the bag of chips. Snoring came from under the blanket. Shaking his head, Ross went into the closet and began rummaging for flashes of gold.

Behind him, the blanket suddenly rose into a sitting position; and as he yelled Ross spun to face him. "No, Mary Angela, get out! Get out of my room!"

Ross tried to sound masculine. "It's my room, Joe!"

"Ross?" Joey pushed the blanket away. "Where am I?"

Ross squeezed the buckle, hoping it wasn't Alzheimer's. He wasn't that old. "Y-you're in Paris. You all are."

"Oh, right, right. Boy! I hate when that happens!" He began to stand.

"It's happened before?"

"Every time I sleep in an unfamiliar room. Tribbianis, we weren't made for thinkin'. We're meant to eat and watch football." He threw the blanket off him and Ross turned at the sight of his boxers.

"Pants, Joe, put some pants on."

"Right!"

Ross carried the buckles out of the room and handed them to Rachel. "Here."

Rachel examined them. "This is seven," she said furiously.

"You asked for seven!"

"The Magistralis you're wearing, give it to me. Cost me almost nine grand; if that doesn't put me back on Phoebe's good side, nothin' will."

Ross begrudgingly took off his belt and his pants immediately sagged. He pulled them up and didn't let go of the waist.

Draping the belts across her arm, Rachel picked up her glass. " 'Kay, I'm off. And please, get Emma to the piercing place; I want that thing gone before she kisses somebody." She raised the glass to her mouth, and as she was taking a sip her eyes flashed over Ross' shoulder and she almost spit out her drink.

Ross turned - to see Joey walking towards them in fluorescent pink silk pajama bottoms.

"Man, these things can breathe!" Joey exclaimed. "It feels like winter down there!"

"Joey!" Rachel exclaimed in disgust. "First Phoebe's undergarments, now my lingerie?"

"Your room is dark!" Joey defended.

"And let's just be glad he's not wearing the gossamer shirt," Ross cut in.

Joey smiled, checking her out. "You, uh, you sleep in a gossamer shirt?"

Rachel scowled at him. "I'm married to your best friend."

"And I'm right here," Ross added. There was a knock at the door. "Hey, uh, Joe, seeing as how you spilled Doritoes and are currently wearing my wife's clothing...how about you get that for us?"

"Sure, buddy!" Joey headed to the door.

Rachel looked at Ross. "There's chips on our carpet?"

"Not just chips. The powder stuff, too."

Rachel groaned, throwing the buckles into his arms as she hurried to the bedroom.

On the front deck, Chandler looked at Phoebe. " 'Kay, now remember what I said. She's not trying to be a brat, she's probably not even aware of it, so just don't - " The door opened.

Joey's face immediately matched the pants. Seeing the embarrassment on his face, Chandler looked down and promptly made a weird noise at the sight of the hot pink lingerie.

"Oh, Joey," Phoebe said sadly. "That's not your color."

Chandler raised his brows at her. "That's the problem you see here?"

"Yeah. He's a total winter!"

"I'm a what?" Joey asked.

"Like, okay. If you're trying to be like a woman, you should accessorize. For example, blue or white clothing, and a nice layer of that Ichiban lipstick."

"Yeah," Chandler added, "And you had a man purse at one point, too, right?"

Joey stepped back, closing the door on them. It was quickly reopened by Rachel. "Don't mind him," she said, and then called over her shoulder, "He's just experimenting, trying to see what expresses who he is!"

"Shut up!" came his voice from the other room.

Rachel's smile dimmed when she saw the look on Phoebe's face.

"Did you just buy all that?" Phoebe asked, pointing to the expensive buckles.

"No."

"There's a price tag on the most expensive one!" Phoebe cried.

"Because he never wore it!" Rachel interrupted. "I'm returning everything."

Phoebe looked contemplatively at her. "For real?"

Chandler inched closer. " 'Scuse me, I just...gotta pee."

Rachel stepped into the hall closet beside her to let him pass. "You want to come with me and watch me do it?"

"Yes," the answer came without hesitation.

Rachel motioned her to stand back so she could let herself out. "And because of Joey," Rachel said, as she locked the door, "I'm giving the whole refund to charity...Though it's more for you than anyone else."

Phoebe began to smile. "Thanks, Rachel!"

"You're welcome, Pheebs...Now let's get this over and done before the nightmare ends."

-0-0-0-0-

Phoebe didn't open up until Rachel had parked. She unbuckled and looked at her friend. "Rachel?"

"Yeah?" Rachel looked at her.

Phoebe took a deep breath. "Mike cheated on me. He got another woman pregnant. So last night I slept with Joey."

"Oh my God!" Rachel gripped her friend's hand. "So - how was he?"

"Rachel! Are you not hearing me? My marriage is over!" Phoebe looked more closely at her friend, who was now avoiding her eyes. "You already knew, didn't you?"

Rachel didn't deny it.

Phoebe pulled her hand free. Her voice was an icicle. "Did Ross know?"

Rachel looked back at her. "We, uh, we all did."

"You have got to be kidding me!"

Again, Rachel said nothing.

Phoebe kicked her car door open and slammed it shut once she had gotten out. She headed for the bus stop, leaving Rachel to sit in the car alone, with more belt buckles than she had friends. 


	8. Chapter 8

Rachel returned home about half an hour later. Walking sluggishly into the kitchen, she stopped at the sight of Joey, dropping two cold slices of leftover pizza onto his plate. "Don't you ever stop eating?" she grumped.

"Yeah, I have to pee and sleep like anyone else."

Rachel plopped into the chair across from him.

"So? Phoebe and you make up yet?" Joey asked, and he began stuffing his face.

"Yeah, but then we blew it."

"Both of you? How's that?"

"Well," Rachel sighed, "She brought up the whole Mike thing, and I kinda told her we all knew already."

"All? You're aware I didn't know until she told me herself, right?"

"I...know that now."

"Great." Joey wiped his hands with a napkin. "She'll probably ditch me tonight."

"Things were getting serious, huh?"

"Yeah, I mean, I thought so. I mean, I always thought we'd wind up together; just...a long time ago. And I'm not even sure I know what together means anymore."

Rachel began digging in her purse, until she pulled out a picture of all six friends, posing at Central Perk so long ago. She slid it over to him. "That's what it looks like."

Joey stared at the picture, until her words caught his attention. "Ross wants to move back to New York."

Joey nodded and pressed his lips together.

"Joe, honey, what's wrong?"

Joey looked up and shrugged. "Chandler wants to stay here. Somethin' Phoebe told 'im," he continued. "About retirin'."

"Retiring? He's only forty-seven!"

"Yeah, and look at 'im. He looks old. Phoebe thinks they should stay here awhile, get away from the city."

Rachel's eyes never left his. "How long are the tickets valid?"

"A week."

Rachel dug out her phone, dialed and waited a few seconds. "Hi, Chandler. Listen, I was just talking to Joey here, and he says you want to stay in Paris! ...Well, suit yourself, but Ross and I are considering moving back to New York. ...That's right. ...Okay, you go ahead and do that. ...'Bye." She disconnected and smiled. "They're going to talk about it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. After their 'big day'."

"What're you talkin' about?"

"Oh, they're doing everything. They're going to the museum, the Effel tower, then dinner on the beach..."

Joey raised his brows. "I thought she was dating me."

"They're not dating! Right now they're just...compatible."

"Bless you. You comin' down with somethin'?"

His simplicity made her smile. "No, it means they're enjoying one another's company. You know? He's off taking advantage of this vacation, and she can't...stand to look at me. So they're hotel roomies, enjoying Paris together, probably talking smack about me."

"Why would they do that?"

"Well...Okay, how would you feel if all of your friends knew your wife was cheating on you, but you were the last to know?"

They sat in silence for a few moments, each considering how Phoebe might feel.

"Boy." Joey dropped his crust and wiped his mouth with his fingers, though there were napkins before him. "We should get 'er a gift or somethin'."

"Like what, Joe, flowers and candy?"

"Candy?" Joey repeated. "No, she's a vegetarian."

Rachel's brows rose and she stared at him. "Vegetarians just avoid meat. They can enjoy desserts just like you."

Joey considered. "Okay, so flowers and candy."

Rachel gave him a big smile.

-0-0-0-0-

About an hour later Ross, Monica, Joey and Rachel walked into the hotel lobby. "Rach," Joey said, and handed her the gifts. "I'll let you hold 'em; you're the one she's maddest at."

"That's very sweet of you."

The foursome stopped at the desk. The clerk looked up at them from behind thick bifocals. "You want a room?"

"No, we're wondering if our friends are here. Chandler Bing and Phoebe Buffay," Ross said.

"I'm actually Chandler's wife," Monica added for good measure. "I have a copy of the con - "

"Room 17, hall C."

"Hall C?" Monica repeated. The clerk pointed, and the friends turned to see three hallways, each one labelled.

"Cool!" Joey exclaimed, and followed the other three down the hall furthest from them. "They need this at our place; I still get lost."

"They don't need this at our place," Monica scoffed.

"Why?"

"Because there's only - one - hall!" she shouted.

In their suite, Chandler lifted his head and Phoebe turned away from the mirror, holding her hair up with her hand. "Was that Monica?"

"Yup," Chandler answered. He stood and made his way to the door. There he stood, staring down at his watch. Waiting nine seconds, he pulled the door open. There stood Monica, hand poised to knock. She smiled at him, lowering her hand and checking him for a bag.

"Did you know I was here?"

"The people across the street inside their own homes know you're here," Chandler told her.

"Sorry."

"Is Phoebe here?" Rachel jumped in.

"Tell her no," Phoebe's voice drifted softly across the room.

Chandler rolled his eyes and walked further into the room, and the other four came in. "Phoebe," Rachel said, "I'm very sorry Mike cheated on you."

Phoebe just looked at her.

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We-we didn't tell you," she corrected.

Still nothing from Phoebe but that offended look on her face.

"And that I spent all that money. But I returned the watch and got rid several other big expenses!"

"How you live your life to make it better by pampering your superficial ass is...really none of my business," Phoebe answered.

"Well, we felt bad, so we got you these." Rachel held out the apology gifts.

Phoebe's eyes locked caustically with the bouquet. "Why would you do that?"

"Um, to show you we're sorry," Monica said.

"So, you ripped them from their homes, and shortened their life span to three days," Phoebe answered. "How is that a gesture of kindness?"

Rachel winced, plucking fretfully at the cellophane. "Oh, that's right, you're sensitive."

"Yeah, well, you're not; you're...insensitive!"

The friends watched tensely.

"Did you actually forget I care about living things?" Phoebe went on. "Why couldn't you get me fake flowers?"

"Alright, you seem to be blaming me. Let's get something straight, I bought them at the store. I didn't rip or shorten anything, okay, somebody else did."

"But your investment endorsed it."

Rachel clenched her jaw, then turned and slapped the bouquet into Ross' chest before walking out of the room. Joey began to breathe again.

"So you don't accept her apology?" Ross asked.

"All this time apart was good for me. I see now, we're too different," Phoebe shrugged. "She's just...too insensitive."

"She didn't mean to be," Ross told her.

"Really? So you think, what, she's a whole new person? She's going to sell her house, buy something less fancy and more practical?"

Ross couldn't answer.

"Alright, let me ask you this. Is Emma going to college because her parents saved up?"

"No, she got a scholarship," Ross answered.

"Yeah, I figured."

Ross looked down at the bouquet. "Sorry, Pheebs. I'll, uh, see you later." He turned and walked dejectedly out of the room.

Joey looked at his three remaining friends. "This vacation sucks." 


	9. Chapter 9

After Ross, Rachel, Joey and Monica had all left, Phoebe sat in the hotel suite, her fingers following a familiar pathway as she dialed Mike's number.

"Hello?"

"Mike? It's Phoebe."

The other end was quiet for a moment. "Oh. Listen, Chandler didn't - "

"Forget about Chandler, for now, 'kay? I want to know who you knocked up."

"Uh, what?"

"I want to know who's carrying my husband's baby. Is that too much to ask, or something?"

"No, no, it's...Okay. Um, you know your friend Rachel?"

Phoebe went still, her hand beginning to shake. "Yes," she finally said, her voice a weapon.

"Well, okay, it's kind of...her sister."

Phoebe couldn't help but feel relieved. "Oh? Which one?"

"Amy."

"I see."

The pair were quiet awhile, nothing to hear but the rain. Finally Mike spoke, "Do you think you could ever forgive - "

"No," Phoebe said abruptly. "No, we're done. Finito."

"Oh. Man. Okay."

"Just...don't tell Rachel for awhile. In fact, I can tell her."

"Why would you?"

"Hey, you cheated on me with my best friend's little sister. How about a favor, no questions asked?"

"Yeah, sure, okay."

Phoebe hung up and began to plot her revenge.

Chandler's muffled voice from the other side of the door interrupted her thoughts. "Oh, great."

Phoebe stood and hurried to the door as Chandler's boot kicked the bottom of the door. She pulled it open to find him standing there holding two hot drinks. "What's this for?"

"The furnace doesn't work." He handed her a cup of hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows. They both closed their hands around their cups and retreated to a bed, each thankful there were two in their suite. "You look sad, Pheebs; what's wrong?"

"Well, I just found out who Mike cheated on me with."

"Yeah? Who's that?"

"Amy. Rachel's little sister."

Chandler looked up at her in shock. "Wow."

"I know. He...he wants me to tell her."

"Okay."

"You know, face-to-face. From another girl."

Chandler was nodding.

"Maybe she and I could even kick his ass. We'll see."

"And it has nothing to do with how long you and Rachel have known each other?"

"Nooo, it's because he's a million miles away and she and I are in the same country."

Chandler eyed her, making her nervous. Finally he said, "You offered, didn't you?"

"How did you know?"

"Because Mike has no way of knowing you guys are fighting. If he had asked you, it'd be because, in his eyes, you and Rachel are still friends."

"Well, we're not."

"So you're really going to cut Rachel out of your life because she gave you some flowers?"

"It's not just about the flowers."

"Then enlighten me," Chandler said succinctly.

"Rachel said she makes seven grand in a month. You know how much that is per year?"

"Two million."

"'Kay, and yet, Ben and Emma needed scholarships. All because Ross wanted his belt buckles and his precious watch."

Chandler looked down at his tea, until he realized she had leaned forward. He looked back up.

"I didn't even go to college," she told him.

"I never knew that."

"Well, I was homeless. Without an address or any experience in anything, I couldn't find work. And without work, I couldn't afford schooling."

Chandler finally dumped the tea bag into his cup and began to stir.

"And you know what I saw at Rachel's house? An indoor pool," Phoebe railed on. "I stole clothing on Christmas so I'd be decent and she has a heated pool floater."

Chandler took the plastic spoon from his cup. "Sorry your life sucked so much."

"No, it's okay."

Chandler smiled. "That's what I like about you. You always find the bright side."

"Bright side? No, screw that, I'm going to humiliate the CRAP out of her!"

"How?"

"You'll see. You'll all see."

Chandler nodded slowly.

-0-0-0-0-

"I forgot how delicate she is." Rachel forcibly took off her coat. "Can't do anything without offending her." She threw her coat into the closet and Ross picked it up off the floor.

"I'm just glad she didn't notice the fur on your boots," Ross answered.

Rachel looked down. "But why would she? She was too busy accusing me of murder."

"Well...Actually, Rach, it does shorten the lifespan..." His voice trailed off when she looked at him. "Which is not the point," he said hastily. He put the bouquet on the ledge running along the wall so he could hang her coat, and she watched him.

Finally she asked, "Am I pampering myself?"

"Are you kidding? We both are. And I love it."

"I love it, too. Sue me! You only live once!" She plopped onto a bar stool. "Why should I downgrade for her sake? I'm enjoying myself."

"Me too. I mean, I was happier when I had my Magistralis."

"I love Phoebe...But how can I choose between a friend, and our lives?" She watched him walk in front of her, into the kitchen. "And you know what? It's not fair of her to ask that of me. Besides, how can one person make a difference? It's not like people are going to stop picking flowers, or buying stuff."

"Yeah, just look around."

Rachel looked at the fancy decorations that prettied up the kitchen. "When you have money, you buy things. It can't be helped. That's what money is for. Maybe if Phoebe had some growing up, she'd know it."

"Want an egg?"

"No. But I was born into a rich family; I don't know what it's like to be a bum! Thank God."

"What about a grilled cheese?"

"I don't want food, Ross!"

"Okay. You don't need to yell."

"I don't need to; I want to."

"Alright, well, I'm going to take a walk and think about this whole moving thing."

"Fine." Rachel stood. "I'll go yell at the gardener."

"No, sweetie, please, he's been tending your plants all day!"

She turned to face him. "Really! Here I thought he was the plumber!" she said sarcastically.

Emma walked into the kitchen, startling both parents. Her hair was now black, and she had another lip ring and a new hole in each ear.

Rachel walked over to her daughter. "Show me your tongue," she finally said.

Emma complied, revealing a second piercing.

"You defied your father?" Rachel asked quietly.

"He paid for it."

As Rachel tried to comprehend it, Emma walked past her toward the balcony. Rachel turned to look at Ross. The balcony door closed and the room was totally silent.

"She said please," he finally said.

"Oh, well, that changes everything. Hey, here's an idea; let's pay for her concert ticket, too!"

"What's all the yelling for?" Monica asked, coming into the room.

"Ross bought Emma some new piercings!"

Monica didn't look too sympathetic. "She happy with 'em?"

"Yeah," Ross said.

"Then who cares?"

"You're not helping!" Rachel said.

"I didn't fly all the way from the New York airport to help; I came to see my friends and have a good time." She began walking to the archway leading into the living room. "Well, the first one happened. But if I'd known Phoebe would be petty, you would be uptight, and Chandler would be at a hotel with another woman, I would have stayed home."

"You're not going there now, are you?" Ross asked.

"I'm going to the hotel. It's got a bar."

"We have a bar," Ross said.

"It's also got a pool."

"We have a pool. And heated lounges," Rachel told her.

"It has the rest of our friends," Monica said, to which Ross and Rachel had nothing to say. Monica strode from the kitchen. 


	10. Chapter 10

Monica pushed open the hotel door and was hurrying toward the hallway when she passed an open door, through which she thought she saw her husband. She backtracked and smiled, knowing this would be embarrassing...He was fully clothed, draped atop a massage table. A slice of cucumber covered each eye. All of his limbs hung off.

She walked into the room and stopped, surveying him a moment longer. When she spoke her voice made him scramble, the cucumbers falling to the floor. "Enjoying Phoebe's ministrations?"

His hands tried to catch the cucumbers. "Uh, sh-she's not...my - I was just resting."

An interior door swung open and Alison walked in. "Monica?"

Monica spun. "Alison," she answered, sounding as displeased as she looked. "Tell me you're not my husband's masseuse."

She shrugged apologetically. "I'm your husband's masseuse. Don't worry, we're just friends," she added. Her smile wavered as her eyes found the cucumbers on the floor. "Well, looks like I need to get more than the lotion! Go ahead and make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back." She turned and walked out of the room.

Chandler turned to face Monica's wrath. "This is all innocent," he tried to assure her.

"Really?"

"Yes. I swear."

She nodded slowly and suddenly smiled. "Alright, well, I suppose this is the perfect time to tell you about Richard."

"What, uh, what about him?"

"We went dancing the other night, just me and him," she lied. "But it was all perfectly innocent." She slapped him on the shoulder and left the room, leaving him standing there feeling alone and insecure.

She hurried down the hall and bumped into Phoebe. "Oh, Monica! Good, you're here."

"Actually, I'm just leaving."

"No, please stay. I need you here. It's important, okay?"

"Uh...sure."

"Thanks." Phoebe skirted down the hall, disappearing into Room 17.

"Hey, Mon!" Joey said, emerging from the balcony door. "What're you doin' here?"

"Just...bouncing back and forth between my friends, trying to see them all." She shook her head, crossing her arms. "This vacation sucks."

"I know. But the hotel is fun. Hey, come swimmin' with me."

"Nah, I didn't bring a bathing suit."

Joey smiled. "Well, you don't need a bathing suit."

Monica withdrew. "I'm married to your friend and you're dating mine. Just tell me where the freaking bar is."

"Okay, okay! It's this way." He led her toward the doors that led to the pool.

Alone in Room 17, Phoebe dialed Ross and Rachel's phone number and waited for an answer. It finally came. "Hello?"

"Phoebe, it's Ross. No, I mean, it's Phoebe! Damn it. Listen, I...I don't want this whole thing between Rachel and me to keep you away. You're my friend, too. Can you come over for like an hour? ...Great. Thanks." She hung up and, without conscience awareness, an evil smile crept across her face.

"The time is near," she breathed. She left the room on floating feet. After the lonely walk past the first sixteen rooms and across the spacious lobby, she pushed past the double doors and waited for Ross to arrive. He pulled up in a shiny blue Corvette. Ross got out and turned on the alarm, causing the car to light up all over. He walked toward her.

"Jeez, Ross, how many cars do you have?"

He looked ashamed. "Five," he said meekly.

Phoebe's mouth hung open. "Um, I'm confused. How many of those can you drive at once? God, Ross, you're like the...prince of Paris!"

"Yeah," he giggled.

She stared at him, the judgment clear in her eyes. Upon seeing it there, he sobered.

"Hey, what'm I supposed to do, sell the cars and have more money?" he insisted. "I'm sorry, but it's...it's gotta go somewhere."

"A charity would be nice," she mumbled. Then her eyes lit up. "I got it! I'll start a fundraiser! And it would just mean the world to me if you convinced Rachel to donate."

"Phoebe - if Rachel donates money to your cause, I will ride Pegasus."

Phoebe shrugged and draped an arm around him, pulling him toward the pool. "Well, speaking of Rachel, I have some news. You know her little sister Amy?" She pushed open the door and followed him through.

"Oh, God, you're kidding," Ross said, as they continued walking a few seconds later. "This is an outrage! Poor Rachel."

"Poor Rachel? Nuh-uh, what about me?"

"Yeah, poor you, Phoebe! What he did is wrong!" Ross said hastily.

"Yeah...Don't tell her, okay? She should hear it from a woman."

Ross looked at her face and only saw compassion, overlooking the antipathy in her eyes. Seeing Monica and Joey at the bar, they joined them. "I can't believe Mike sank so low," Phoebe railed on, greatly exaggerating her pain. "To cheat on me is one thing - but with my friend's sister?"

"So you are still friends!" Monica interrupted.

Phoebe looked at her and gave a half smile. "Oh, I can't stay mad at her," she said, as if just coming to the realization. She looked at Monica. "Maybe I was being petty," she sighed, trying to sound like she was confessing the truth. "Do you think she and I could gang up on 'im?"

"Oh, absolutely," Monica answered. "You should wring his scrawny little neck!"

"Wait, what's goin' on?" Joey asked cluelessly.

"Mike got Rachel's little sister pregnant," Ross informed him.

Phoebe stared at the counter, feeling Joey's hand touch her back. "Pheebs, I'm sorry."

She looked up at her three friends. "Well, you're not as sorry as Mike will be," she stated. "Ross, I'm afraid I need to go back to The Big Orange."

He overlooked her error. "Yeah. Yeah, I understand. I couldn't agree more."

"I could," Chandler said from behind. They turned to watch him quizzically watching them.

Phoebe stood. "No, I need to pack."

Ross' voice stopped her a few steps away. "Wait, what about Rachel?"

"Oh, I'll say goodbye," she assured him. "Yeah, don't worry." She turned and strode into the hotel.

Yes, she thought cynically. She had a lot to say to Rachel.

-0-0-0-0-

Phoebe was folding her clothes by the time Monica materialized in the open doorway. She knocked softly on the frame. "Hey. So you're leaving soon, huh?"

"Divorce awaits," Phoebe said cryptically.

"Well...Ross wants you in the Corvette with him. The rest of us will follow by cab."

"It's only got two seats?"

"Yeah."

"Alright," Phoebe said hesitantly.

"We'll meet you at Ross and Rachel's place."

Phoebe nodded and Monica ducked from the room. All by herself, Phoebe mechanically continued to pack, and in her mind she visualized the ideal concatenation of her revenge. The irony that her revenge did not touch Mike was not lost on her. While it pained her to think of deliberately hurting an old friend, she knew settling the score would feel undeniably good. The friends didn't know this, but time had changed Phoebe, and she was now a strong advocate of getting even.

She had been planning and preparing for days. Tonight, she would finally get the monkey off her back. She would feel guilty, she knew, but it had to be done.

Phoebe closed her suitcase and pulled it off the bed, letting herself out of Room 17.

The friends didn't notice she had arrived until she dropped the keys on the surface of the front desk. Ross swept her into the conversation as if she had been beside him all along. "You're going to love my Corvette, Pheebs, it's so smooth." He rambled in full boast mode while she nodded and tried to look attentive. Inside, her mind was a turbulent vortex of tumult. Mike cheated - her friends all knew - and at least two of them were spoiled and vain. And she had to sit in a luxury car? How hypocritical, she told herself; and she told herself this even when the modern efficiency of the sleek car impressed her.

And she enjoyed every moment of that ride.

Walking after Ross into the elegant mansion, she was left breathless by its beauty. The crystal chandeliers reflected the interior lights and sparkled colorfully. The floors were laminated. The carpets were pristine. The windows were huge. And the plants were so beautiful and so...alive. Neither ripped, nor shortened. The sweet scent of their blossoms pleased her senses.

"Rachel?" Ross called, and she came walking down the hall.

"Hey, guys..." Her voice trailed off when she noticed Phoebe, who was suddenly walking past Chandler, past Ross. She kept walking, stopping in front of Rachel.

"I need to tell you something," Phoebe said emotionlessly. "But you might want to sit down."

Rachel looked curious, but nodded. "Okay," she murmured, and led her friends (and Phoebe) into the kitchen. She sat, curling her hand around a tall glass of water. Expectantly, she looked at Phoebe. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes! Yes, something is very wrong."

"Oh, God, what is it?"

"Um, you remember my husband Mike?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you know, it does ring a little sort of bell."

"'Kay, well, um, there's no easy way to tell you, but - he got Amy pregnant."

"Amy?" Rachel demanded. "My Amy?"

"Yes."

Rachel let out a long breath she didn't know she was holding, her free hand pressed to her heart. "Wha-Why wouldn't she tell me? Oh, she is so dead!"

"Well, I thought you should know," Phoebe said sweetly. "I mean, seeing as how the rest of us did already."

All the friends all jerked in response, staring at Phoebe in horror.

"What?" Rachel finally snapped.

"Doesn't feel good, does it?" Phoebe responded.

Rachel was silent for so long Phoebe thought she wouldn't answer. Her cheeks were red and she wouldn't meet her eyes. Phoebe watched her slyly; feeling guilty, sad, and totally, completely triumphant.

Finally Rachel lifted her head and said impassively, "Okay, I had that coming."

Phoebe couldn't help but smile. "So? You want to kick his ass with me?"

Rachel slowly nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, Pheebs, let's go to New York." 


	11. Chapter 11

Ross and Rachel entered Central Perk for the first time in thirteen years. They were reverently silent, drinking in the sight. Their four friends followed.

"It felt longer to come back," Monica said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, I could go for a coffee," Chandler answered, and moved toward the counter. Rachel accompanied him.

"Hey, Chandler. Hey, Rachel!" the perky young waitress said.

"Hello." Rachel stared at her. "Do I know you?"

"No, but it's nice to finally meet you. I'm Leslie."

Rachel didn't answer.

"Leslie Buffay," she clarified.

The confusion cleared from Rachel's eyes. "Oh my God. Hi."

"Hi," Leslie laughed. "What'll you have?"

"Actually, nothing; I just wanted to ask if you know where Gunther is."

At her words, Ross' head snapped up.

"Who's Gunther?"

"He used to work here. He's about my height, white hair, nice eyes?" Rachel asked.

"No, I never saw him."

"Um, I'd like my usual," Chandler cut in, and Leslie quickly got to work. With her busy, he turned to Rachel. "Gunther quit a few years back. Said he didn't want to work in a coffee shop his whole life. Mentioned something about deep sea-diving."

Rachel's brows rose and Leslie handed Chandler his coffee. Together they sat in their usual places. "Oh, God, I'm finally home," Ross was saying.

Phoebe was gazing quietly at the waitress. She knew she wasn't actually the mother, but the memory of giving birth told her something different. She had watched the triplets - her triplets - grow into adults, wishing that they had called her Mom. But they were more her nieces and nephew than her children...No matter what her heart said. Unwilling to engage in the conversation, Phoebe allowed her thoughts to focus on the vivacious young lady who should have been hers to raise.

"Well, my first home," Ross quickly told Rachel. "I really belong with you."

Rachel was nonresponsive. She had two fingers on her chin and was staring at the arm of the sofa.

Finally Phoebe moved. "Can you watch my crap?" she elegantly asked. She kicked her bag closer to Monica as she stood and headed toward the washroom. She was checking her watch when she rounded the corner, so she didn't notice the couple until she heard a moan. Looking up, she stopped short at the sight of Mike Hannigan kissing...not Amy.

"Mike!" Phoebe yelled, effectively breaking them apart. "What the hell are you doing?"

Ursula shook her head. "No, relax, okay? This is Mike's twin brother."

"Mike doesn't have a twin brother!" Phoebe told her.

"Please. I think know Mark when I see him."

Phoebe mirrored her sister with a shake of her head. "Alright, both of you come with me." She turned and walked in a huff back to where her friends sat. "Rachel!" she barked, scaring her. Rachel turned, freezing when she saw Mike and Ursula begrudgingly following Phoebe.

"What's going on?" Ross demanded.

"Uh, you're all seeing double," Ursula said dismissively. "I'm not here."

Phoebe whirled to face her sister. "You're an idiot and a coward!"

Ursula looked at Mike. "Well? Are you going to let her talk to me that way?"

Mike gritted his teeth. "I...don't have a twin brother."

Ursula raised her brows, then walked decisively away from him. "Sorry," she told Phoebe, and headed for the exit.

Phoebe surprised everyone by grabbing her bag and following Ursula. "Don't worry about it, Urse. He's a pig! Let me buy you a beer."

Ursula opened the door, and together they left Central Perk.

Joey stood, walking toward Mike with a smile on his face. "So you, uh, you scored, huh? Got both of 'em?"

"Uh, well - I - "

"I dated Ursula once."

"You-you did?"

"Yeah. Before I dated Phoebe," Joey continued. "See, I didn't want to hurt her. Because she matters to me." He shrugged, still smiling that goofy smile. "I don't know, it's just...not hard to respect a friend. Not hard for me; but you're not me." He looked at the customers. "Ladies, this man just cheated on my good friend with her sister. Before that, my other friend's sister."

There came the sound of the customers murmuring in disapproval.

"His name's Mike Hannigan," Joey continued. "Look at his face. And warn your friends."

Mike turned to gape at Joey just in time to see him aim his fist.

-0-0-0-0-

"You could've let me know you were coming back early," Ursula said.

"I'm glad I didn't. I never would've found out about Mike. And you wouldn't have either," she added. "He'd still be deceiving you."

Ursula considered.

"He's gotten Rachel's sister pregnant," Phoebe went on.

"Amy. I know," Ursula nodded.

"You knew? And you still kissed him?"

"Well, Amy got an abortion, so he dumped her. He looked so sad, I thought I'd lift his spirits."

"What about my spirits? Didn't you even consider me?"

"Yeah. But he said you only went on that trip without him because you were fighting so much. I thought maybe he'd be available."

"He will be. Urse, I can't stay here if you want to be with him. If you didn't look like me I might learn to deal with it. I just...I need you to not, you know, be intimate with him around me."

Ursula pursed her lips. "No, he lied to me. It's over."

"Good," Phoebe said, and quickly explained her gruff answer. "'Cuz, well, I want to be closer to you."

Ursula looked at her and smiled. "We are." They walked into the bar and up to the counter.

"Ladies," the man said with a nod. "What can I get you?"

"What, you won't check our IDs?" Phoebe asked incredulously.

"Must be our air of maturity," Ursula told her.

"Nah, it's your gray hair."

Their expressions went flat and they both touched their hair. "Shut up and get me a beer," they both said at once.

He snorted humorously and did their bidding. Exchanging their money for the drinks, they clinked their cans together. An hour later two more cans had been added to each of their bills, and the other five friends walked in to find them singing Smelly Cat onstage. They could hardly stand - and they could definitely not sing. Customers looked very displeased with their performance, which for some reason Ursula was leading. Phoebe yowled along as the backup singer.

Joey grimaced, sucking air through his teeth. "At least Phoebe's good on the inside."

"Yeah," Monica said succinctly. "Please tell me she's drunk-singing."

"Actually, it sounds the same," Chandler answered sadly.

"I thought it sounded better," Rachel confided.

Phoebe stopped singing mid-verse. "Guys!" she yelled deafeningly into the microphone. Her burp was amplified. "Oh, 'scuse me. Oh." She walked delicately down the stairs. "You know, I brought my phone, but I left my charger in Paris."

Joey steadied her.

"And I just realized," she went on, "Rachel and Ross sold their place here. They need a place tonight. Wait, here, here, you want my free room and board pass?" She held out a dollar bill with a shaky hand.

"I don't think it applies outside of Paris," Rachel told her.

"Yeah, we can throw those away if our vacation's over. I can do that," Monica said quickly, and Phoebe gave her the money.

"Where's my other voice?" Ursula yelled. "She here?"

Ross walked up onstage to help her down the stairs, and she looked quizzically at him, then back at the crowd. "Boy, she got ugly," she quipped drunkenly.

"Come on, let's get you home. You've had...more than enough beer." Much to the building's relief, Ross guided her offstage. "Here, let's - " He paused when the sisters stared at each other.

"Wow," Ursula whispered. "Isn't that me?"

Chandler rolled his eyes as Ursula began poking at Phoebe.

"I'll drive Ursula home in her car; Rachel, you can pick me up, okay?" Ross asked.

"Nuh, wait, wait, wait," Phoebe slurred. "Rachel should take her. She won't kiss a girl."

"Okay, fine."

"And you can stay with me, okay? Drop me off at home and stay, both of you," Phoebe went on, as the seven of them moved toward the exit. "You need a place to go."

Her words served as a brutal reminder that the Gellar-Greens had sold their home in New York. Their only home was now in Paris. Feeling a little overwhelmed, Ross steered Phoebe through the door and into the night.

-0-0-0-0-

Phoebe's apartment was warm, familiar, and cozy. And, Phoebe noticed, spotless. She crossed her arms and surveyed the apartment, realizing Mike had probably kept the bed warm in her absence, too.

Rachel bumped in noisily with her luggage, jarring her from her morose thoughts. "Thanks for letting us crash here, Pheebs."

"You're welcome. Oh, it'll be great," Phoebe said half-heartedly. "We haven't had a sleepover at my place in...ever."

Rachel tilted her head, looking knowingly at her friend. "Honey, I get it; you're mad. It's okay."

"It's not okay. He cheated on me and wrecked our marriage."

"You have the upper hand! Be glad of it. You can play this thing out."

"What do you mean?" Phoebe asked.

"His first two choices were our sisters. And I know my sister; she's very suspicious of her boyfriends." She patted Phoebe's shoulder when her face crumpled. "And I bet you anything, she set up a whole bunch of cameras in their room to see what exactly he's been up to."

Phoebe looked attentively at her.

"Amy's only a phone call away; you can find out just how many women have..." Rachel's voice trailed off as Phoebe put her head in her hands. "Oh, God, I am insensitive, aren't I?"

"Yeah, but I already knew that." Phoebe sighed, straightening up. "Just do me a favor."

Rachel nodded, expecting Phoebe to say "Watch what you say" or "No Mike talk".

Phoebe pushed some hair behind her ears. "Put 'er on speaker," she said.

Rachel nodded and got out her phone. She accessed her contact list, activated the speaker and pressed Call.

Amy's voice came on much less perky than she remembered. "Rachel?"

"Hi, Amy! It, uh, I-I'm back in New York!"

"Right now? Why wouldn't you call me?"

Rachel's brows went up as her fury ignited. "Wow, look who's getting all bent out of shape for lack of communication after having an abortion and not telling me."

Amy was quiet for so long Rachel thought she had hung up and not heard a thing. Finally she asked, "You know?"

"Yeah, and so do I, you...you...man-stealing little - "

"Phoebe!" Rachel cried out.

"Sorry, sorry..." Phoebe leaned closer to the phone. "Rachel," she added hotly.

"Amy - we saw Mike kissing a third girl at Central Perk," Rachel said with finality.

"Riiight," Amy said. Phoebe opened her mouth to defend Rachel, but Amy wasn't finished. "Just a third."

Phoebe looked at Rachel in shock. 


End file.
